Tuesday, January 04, 2005
I Know Its a Little Late But What The Heck.....
I wanted to post the KL trip photos but dunno whats wrong but i cant log in to Hello, i decided to share some of my New yr resolutions...haha.. yah, i know, its a little late but better late than never.
So peeps, do u think i will be able to achieve all that???? Or will i have yet to bring it forward as my 2006 New Yr resolution? Hmmm..... let see in 1 yr time....
Sometimes, i hate my brain cos it always work overtime, it always think of nonsensical stuffs which suddenly appear out of nowhere. It wld be fine if these thoughts just appear for a few min but no, it lingers for like days and make me feel really frustrated. Frustrated abt what? About most of the things happening ard me. I think i know why, it must be PMS.. yes, that must be it!
So another year has begun but i still feel no different, i still feel like im still stuck in 2004. No, i think i do feel different! I feel a lot more scared!! Scared of what the future brings! What am i suppose to do after graduation? What am i suppose to do on this earth? It is a scary thought, for me at least, cant say for the rest cos some of them basically know what they want.. Actually, i do know i want but i dunno if im brave enuff to follow it thru.. Sometimes, i feel like i am only dreaming and dreaming abt it but have no courage to actually do it cos i have too many responsibilties.. Do i become selfish and follow my dreams or be "normal" like everyone else and restrict myself to working in an office??
Watched Oprah in the morning just now when i woke up, the topic for today's talk was Social Anxiety Disorder. I cant believe that there such as that! I dunno that such disorder exist, how ignorant can i get but its better late than never, right? Basically, Social Anxiety Disorder is some kind of illness when an individual feel really, really nervous when they are ard pple. They feel like they can have panic attack at any moment. Their palms are sweating, breathe heavily, feel like everyone is looking and judging them. They have social phobia and gets really nervous and anxious ard pple.
I can certainly relate to what they were talking cos, not that i have Social Anxiety Disorder, but cos, i dun feel like being ard pple cos for some stupid reason, i thought that they are judging me... does the world revolve ard me? Err, i dun think so! But hey, everyone has their own insecurities but i think we gotta control it. A friend of mine mentioned a couple of times that i am able to mask my emotions very well and i dun lose control of myself. Initially, i thought it is good. But then again, on second thought, its not that good after all, i think i am pushing pple away cos i put up this wall and not let anyone in on how i really feel. I think that i am mastering the art of obliviousness very well that it haunts me back. Sometimes, i feel there is no need to open up to other pple cos i am already surrounded by the pple that matter most who knows the real me and not pass any judgement. Why shld i care what other pple think when i know that the pple that matter most, knows me! Why shld i care what other pple think when i dun owe them my living? But i shld have known better, Sociology have taught me that society do have an impact on how an individual thinks and acts...
I am so way off track on my New Yr's resolution, so here is what i hope to do......
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