This topic has been lingering in my mind since last week but didnt feel like sharing it till now..

Since the last two weeks, i have been receiving news that SOME of my secondary school fren of mine would be getting engage this year.. and that includes my bestfriend.. and later on, i received a news that a good fren of mine is pregnant.. to hear abt some stranger of my age or some ex-schoolmates whom i wasnt that close to getting married does not really bother me.. But to receive such news from ur bestfriends, i have to admit that it struck a cord..

I would not go as far as to say that i am prepared to get married now but i do wanna get married.. some day.. but before that, i need a candidate 1st right? How much pressure can one really feels when someone close to you started saying that, "You better start looking for a bf," more than often..

When i was in JC and SIM, i would be lying if i said that i didnt really dwell on having a relationship.. Had a couple of crushes, whom i would say that i fell head over heels for but it wasnt reciprocated.. left me heartbroken but i learnt to move on.. and it also added to my skepticism of finding "The One." No matter how much i tried to deny myself into thinking that there is such thing as a soulmate, late at night i found myself wishing hard that God would prove me otherwise..

When i started working, my mind was constantly occupied with thinking abt finding the perfect job for my life.. I kept thinking abt what is my purpose in life and abt what i wanna do with my life.. The thought of having a bf just faded away into the background.. Ever since i started working, i began to see that there is a bigger world out there for me, a lot of things that i do not know, a lot of things that i have not tried doing, a lot of things i have not seen and a lot of things that i wanna achieve and one of them does not concern abt finding a bf.. It just never came up in my head.. I was stumped when someone asked me, "So, what are u looking for in a guy?" I was rendered speechless, i just dunno what to answer cos it had been such a long time since i tot abt it..

When i started working, i began to realise that there is a bigger world out there waiting to be discovered.. There is so many things in my agenda in life and that did not include finding a perfect bf.. I was watching Oprah the other day and i really like what she said abt her not getting married and all..She said that she does not need a man or marriage to define herself.. That phrase stuck with me.. I have a bigger world out there for me, a whole world of possibilities..

Today, on my way to netball training, i passed by the mosque and saw a lot of couples walking out from it.. it only meant that they had just attended Kursus Rumahtangga.. and most of them were ard my age.. it started to dawn on me.. Here i am going for my weekly netball pratice and goofing ard with the kids while they are attending a marriage prepatory lesson and taking such a major step in their life..

I would not deny that there were moments that i wished i have a boyfriend.. but there were times too that i wished i have Magnum Almond ice-cream with me.. but the difference is tat, the latter gave me more satisfaction.. hahah.. I dunno, maybe unconsciously i do hope to find my soulmate but till that day come, i shall focus on getting my arse to Europe and have a wonderful time..

• Lynna
• Me, Myself and I
• Complex, Dreamer, Figure Me Out

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