Arrgghhh... sometimes i just dunno what she freaking wants from me.. i try to be the best daughter i can be but that just seemed not to be enuff... i try to understand her but sometimes i feel like she doesnt wanna understand me or try to understand where i am coming from when i retaliated...

i hates it when i argued with her cos it made me feel like a bad daughter.. but she could at least ask me rather then jumped into conclusion... i hates it whenever she jumped into conclusion without even asking me... uuurrggghhh!!!

First of all, my condolences to Fiq for the passing of his grandpa.. He is in a better place.. And your prayers will always be with him..

Azack, Zal and i went for the wake just.. we were just in time for the tahlil.. sometimes going for wakes makes me think of my grandma.. ssigghh.. ok stop, shall not think abt it.. Fiq, if u need someone to talk to, we are all here for u...

I was late for class for 1 hr.. the 1st half hr was intended but the 2nd half hr was not.. i knew that there wld be a talk at 1.30pm and i purposely dun wanna go with a reason that i dunno abt it.. the 2nd half hour was not purposely.. travelling time frm Jurong East to Yio Chu Kang as roughly abt 40mins and the walk to the is abt roughly 7mins..

As i was walking towards the classroom, i saw my classmates were walking out of it.. 2 of my classmates even applauded me co si came really "early".. hahah.. one evn said that i had great timing cos the talk just ended and they are out for toilet break before class commenced.. hhehe.. maybe i do have great timing...

After class, we had another project meeting... arrrgghh.. i just cant wait for it to be over so tat i can study for my M5 and M9 paper which is n consecutive days.. Azza, i hope NTUC didnt trick us sey.. i dun want to be agent!!

And i realised one thing.. i have been eating a lot for nowadays... sigghh... i tend to do that when im stress or sthg is occupying my mind... aaarrrggghhhh!!

Uuurrgghh... i hates it when i do not have control of my emotions...

I should have known better... gotta stop it before it escalates any further...

Had so much fun at The Mind Cafe.. everyone was havingn such a great time.. Lafffing till our stomach hurts..

Yesterday, had the 1st outing among the NTUC Income/NYP colleagues/classmates... sometimes i dunno how to classify them.. classmates or colleagues... initially we wanted to go for games at The Mind Cafe followed by bolwing but we only went for The Mind Cafe cos we spent 3hrs over there..

We went to The Mind Cafe at Prinsep St, it was much smaller than the on eat Boat Quay.. no one was there and there were 12 of us.. we thought each one had to fork out abt 8++ but surprise, surprise, they had some afternoon offers.. each person only had to pay $5 for a free flow of games and drinks from 2pm to 6pm.. and some foods were going at $5 each... we reached there at about 3pm after our class and stayed there till 6.15pm...

It was so much fun and laughter... we played this game called Snorta.. it was so fun!!! We kept laughing till our stomach hurts... some even stood up just so that they did not lose.. hahah.. fun, fun.. i think it was awell-deserved fun cos the whole class was so tired and stress of assignments and projects... every night 1/2 of the class would be online complaining... we tried paying other games such as Guesstures and Say What.. but we ended up playing Snorta again cos we had so much fun playing it..

After The Mind Cafe, the rest proceeded to have dinner while i left first cos had a date with Fiq, Zal and Kcik at Taka.. Zal wanted to see some Nike launch thingy but there weren't anything much there... wanted to buy pumps and sandal but only ended up buying sandals.. and i wore it on the spot cos the shoe that i was wearing was hurting my big toe..

After that, we headed down to Raffles City to check out Joga Bonito ( see, i got it right!) It was a really small booth selling footbal jersey.. we realised that it was the same shop that sold the jersey at the World Cup showcase.. After that, we went to Sakura to have our dinner and then left for home.. we had so much plan for their sch hols.. wonder which one will follow through..
After that we went home, everyone wanted to be home early.. kcik so poor thing went home alone all the way to sengkang.. zal, fiq and i took the bus home.. and fiq eneded up taking home my shoe.. hahah.. dunno how wld u explain to my mil if she sees it.. hahah...

Btw nin, if u r reading this.. i think i am hooked to Speechless by The Veronicas... siiiggghhh... how i wish i can dedicate it to someone...

Finally had a little breather.. been so busy with assignments and projects that i have been sleeping for only 3-4hrs for the past few days.. i wanna update my blog also cannot.. wanna watch the latest eps for OTH and Grey's Anatomy also dun have time..

Hmmm.. where shld i start eh.. Oklah, continue my story a bit about this Ali guy.. for those who dunno, he is my ex.. and my mum likes him a lot.. He turned up for the kenduri cos my my mum asked my couz to invite him.. he turned up after all the people went home, left only my family and my uncle's family... i kinda stress lah.. dunno what to say or do.. he came and i said nothing.. he had such a bonding period with my mum lah! my mum still remembers his fave drink...dunno what to say.. when he left, i only said thanx for coming and did not even try to establish any eye contact..
My cousins and close friends thought that i was very cruel and bad of me for not even talking to him.. cos he humbled himself and came, even if he came for my mum, he did come.. felt guilty that night..

And so, on tuesday.. for the 1st time in a veeerryyy llooonnnggg time, i let my pride down and smsed him.. i have a huge ego when it comes to guy, so that was pretty hard for me.. some smses were exhanged and a sudden feeling of relieved washed over me..
I think smsing was him the right thing i ever did for myself and for him... it suddenly dawned on me why i am always nervous if i am around him.. the reason is GUILT! I feel that i was a really a bad gf when i was with him and i think he was really hurt when i ended the relationship out of the blue.. and hurt him further after that by a single stupid sms.. im glad to see that he is doing good in life.. and in a way or so, i felt free and liberated cos i finally made my peace with him...

A collage of friends at the kenduri.. i feel like i was so orange.. hahah.. thanx again guys for turning up on that day...

I am thoroughly exhausted.. very, very tired... eyes could barely open but i am forcing myself to stay awake to start on my assignment and blog a little.. been wanting to blog abt kenduri but been very busy with project and assignments...

Gonna be short and sweet abt the whole kenduri stuffs.. hehe.. i think it was the 1st "major" kenduri that my family held.. we never actually organise any kenduri before this.. so was kinda excited abt it..

All the relatives that my mum invited came.. i think cos my mum is close to them and our family has never held a kenduri or open house, so all who were invited came.. never seen my house so full of pple.. hehe..

Friends of mine also came.. old and new friends turned up for it.. thanx a lot guys for coming! Really appreciate it.. some friends actually came twice.. haha.. i wonder who they are.. hahah... had a great time catching up and joking.. sorry ya, if i was busy and were not able to entertain u guys..

My kenduri which was supposed to end at 5pm actually stretched till 9pm.. i know, it just a graduation kenduri but it looked as though i was getting married and engaged.. hahahha.. but it was all due to my cousin.. he brought the whole soccer team home to eat after their training... hmmm.. i think reserves were also included.. hahah.. eye-feast.. inside and outside of the house were full of loud,joking guys.. i just see from far only, so the malu cos there were so many of them.. some of them even brought their gf along.. my aunt was like asking my cousin, whether its my graduation or his engagement.. haha.. ambik kau ubat...

When the guys left ard 8plus.. i thought i could finally take of my tudung and rest my feet... but i was soooo wrong.. my cousin received a call and he announced the news which i have been dreading.. "Ali called. He is on the way here." My first thought was, "SHIT! What am i supposed to do?!" Jeng jeng jeng.....

Will continue later.. hahah.. kasi suspense sikit...

In sch right now.. just had my lunch and i felt like puking!! I had a bite of this fish fillet and boy was it nasty!!! It has turned totally bad!!!! There wasnt any tissues available and the toilet was far, so i had to swallow it! YUCKS!!!! Felt like puking, so quickly get myself a flavoured drinks to wash off the taste. I felt as though my breadth smelt of smelly fish!!! YUCKSSSS!!!!!!!

Wanna blog abt the kenduri last night but was to tired doing the comiplation of reports and getting prepared for presentation later.. This time round not so nervous cos its the 2nd time.. hopefully everything will go smoothly later.. and hopefully, i can blog abt my kenduri later at night.. heee.. was really happy cos most of my friends turned up on Sunday.. Ja, i dreamt abt u!! I dreamt that u smsed me that u are coming with ur cousin, Shakira cos Nazeer could not make it! Hahah.. i think i miss u lah ja, sampai mimpi semua...

I have been rather busy these past 2 weeks since starting work cum school... AARRRGGGHHH!!! Feeling a bit of stress right now.. The supposedly 5 weeks per term was cut short to 4 week per term... the content is still the same but the period of time is definitely shorter.. There wld be a project presentation and dealine every single freaking week.. And to top it all, they are asking us to take these 2 insurance paper on 2nd and 3rd of May.. and on the 4th of may, we have another project presentation.. CRAZY OR WHAT??!!

This week is the 2nd week and classes have been pretty ok lah amidst the stress.. My classmates/colleagues are really fun and nice pple.. All of us are in the 20s, i think only 2 person are in the late 20s... There is this 1 guy in class who like to comment on every single thing that the lecturer was saying.. we sometimes even digress from the whole lecture.. Today, nearly half of the class cabut cos they wanna go for medical check-up.. well, truth be told, main reason was that we dun wanna attend this particular lecture cos the lecturer is very, very boring... so we just said that some of us need to leave early for medical check-up..

Been having this funny little feeling inside me.. an inner turmoil.. i dun even know why.. i have no idea why im like feeing so weird.. lack of sleep? overwhelming projects and tests? hyperactive mind? a certain someone coming on sunday? UURRGGHHH!! I hates it when this happen.. like u feel sthg is gonna happen but just dunno what it is... SSCCAARRYY!!

7th April 2006 marked as one of the most proud and happiest moments of my life.. After so many years of studying, the day finally arrived when i got to don on the graduation gown and the mortar board.. As much as it was my dream, it was also my mum's dream.. My mum was a really clever student when she was young but due to my grandpa's conservative way of thinking she did not manage to further her studies beyond primary sch.. So she really wanted me to make her proud and don on that graduation gown.. I think she shed some tears when i went up the stage... This one is for you mum!! Thanx for everything, for the love, support, encouragement and occasionally squabbles. Not forgetting my aunt, uncle and cousin, thanx a lot for all the prayers and support!

I know this might sound like an Oscar acceptance speech but there are so many pple out there that i should offer my gratitude cos without them, my dream wld not come true...

To my bestest friends Azeanni, Redha and Liza.. I love u guys to the max.. Thanx for the encouragement and support.. Azeanni, our dream has finally come true.. urs wld be this coming July.. I still have the graduation snoopy u gave me.. our motivation to achieve what we truly desire, a degree.. Thanx for the support and words of encouragement.. It would have been great if we could graduate together in the same sch.. Red, thanx for being there, a shoulder to cry on and for always coming down to SIM to keep me company.. Actually, wld like to thank someone fr the past for making the 1st year in SIM bearable, even though i may not be able to say it to him in person, i am thankful to him for being there.. Fiq, thanx for coming down for the graduation.. thanx for getting me the flowers even though it was "maluating" for you to hold a flower.. hehe.. Zal, even though u were not there, i am sure i was in ur thoughts.. hahaha..
Thanx a lot guys for giving me a surprise after i was kinda sad that my bestest friends were not able to make it but u guys were actually coming.. Love the flowers!

Lotsa thanx too for my fellow SIM pals.. Mary, Tanya, Misha, Azza, Shanta, Shahida and Des.. Thanx for the support, push and encouragement.. I would not be able to make it alone without u girls.. The 3years in SIM was well-worth it having u girls around.. Shared laughter, stress and occasional tears together.. Love you girls..

Thanx to the MNGs group too, for the late night studying in sch and NUS.. Wasnt open to making friends but dunno what happen, opened up to making friends with all of you.. Thanx Fai, Fiddy, Shaipul, Rafique and Nur.. The last yr of sch was more fun with u guys ard.. Next yr would be your turn, so study hard!! Keep in touch ya!!

And now, i am entering to another phase in my life.. Working life.. I hope that i would do just fine and would not be to scared of what the future holds for me.. Wish me luck guys!

These are the people that really made for me.. It would mean nothing without them.. Thank you for everything mum and dad.. including my 2 crazy cousins.. Thanx for the support and encouragements..

What a happy day for all of us.. All smiles and laughters.. All the stress, sweat and occasional blood (paper cuts) finally paid off.. Could not have done it without these girls and guy...

Pics taken with the Khalawats minus Zal... they gave me such a nice surprise.. love the flowers guys.. thanx for being there.. Love u guys to the max..

Pictures taken with Shaipul, Fai, Fiddy and Azza... The graduates taking pic with the future graduates.. hehe.. Nice to see them again in a sch setting.. Teringat masa2 study late in school...

Its 3rd day of being back in school and i am sleepy, exhausted and bogged down with projects.. so freaking tired.. they have shorten the term to just 4 weeks and therefore they are trying to squeeze in all the info in our heads.. not only squeezing in all info, they have to top it up with projects... every week there would be one project to be handed in, one after another... and it totally does not help when u have PMS...

Would love to blog more but have to do research and i am way too sleepy to have any coherent thoughts..

There's anger far behind the things
That surface on your mind
And bring your spirits down
Because of all that comes before the rise and fall
It's easier to hold your ground
Your steady ground
Discovering that over time
All the could-of-been's
They blow your mind and speak to you
And the voice you hear will stay with you
Beneath the things you say and do

So, let it out
Let it out

[Chorus]
And they're waiting
For something to change into something worth waiting for
And they're waiting for something to change into something
Worth waiting for

There's anger far behind the things
That surface one your mind
And bring your spirits down, down, down, down, down, down
Because of all that comes before the rise and fall
Just hold your ground
And let it out

Somewhere off in the distance,
On the other side of your resistance
Lies, a peacefull existence
It waits
What a difference it makes
Without boundaries, no limits, no maximum reach
No guidelines to follow
One promise to each his own
Individual
A self-destination
A wide-open journey
on a path to
Creation
Your life
Is happening now

And they're waiting
And they're waiting
And they're waiting
And they're waiting

Waiting by Michael Tolcher.


I really wish for those bolded words to come true.. i am entering into a new phase in my life and i hope to grow into a beautiful person from it.. every journey has its lesson and i hope to learn it well..

I put my fate in ur hand God, i have faith in you that things will be for the better as time passes by... Give me all the guidance that i need to go thru life.. only You know what is best for me...

• Lynna
• Me, Myself and I
• Complex, Dreamer, Figure Me Out

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