So... i freaking failed my M9 again!!!! YES!!! For the 3rd time!!! Its beyond frustration.. i dunno if i shld cry or laugh.. irritated but yet i cant believe that i failed it for the 3rd time...

For the 1st time i felt so dumb.. like really dumb... i questioned my intelligence.. if i am dumb, then how the heck did i manage to get my degree? if i am dumb, then how the heck did i pass my Managerial Economics whom everyone claimed to be a killer.. if i am dumb, then how the heck did i pass my Final Theory once.. if i am dumb, then how the heck did i pass my M5.. if i am dumb, then why do i find Beckham cute.. hahah.. ok, the last part a bit crap.. but still!!! I CANT BELEIVE THAT I AM QUESTIONING MY INTELLIGENCE OVER A STUPID INSURANCE EXAM.. bloody hell!!

Its 11.41am and i have yet to start studying for my CRM test tmr... hahahah... and my eyes are super heavy now.. its not like i have not experience any stress before but those stress were predictable and inevitable.. studying for every final exams did give me stress but i wasnt frustrated and irritated.. but why do i feel so irritated and frustrated over a 3mth course.. and the mere thought of going thru those 26 chapters for the fourth freaking time is already so unbearable.. UUUURRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

To my blog readers, just bear with me for these coming days.. i am like a volcano waiting to erupt.. i just need to let off some steam..

Gosh... i think i am PMSing.. feeling kinda sad but not yet depressive... UUURRGGHHH!! Part of the reason could be due to my M9 test tmr which i am taking for the 3RD TIME and also a test on Wed on CRM... what a really bad timing... i am just so fearful of tmr's test.. what if i fail for the 3rd time? I just cant believe that i am studying it for the freaking 3rd time!!!! I thought exams and muggiing days are over!! UUUURRRGGGHHH!!! SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!

The unsettling feeling is still bothering me.. how can i freaking stop it!! So bloody irritating... and now all near-profanity words are raging to be typed.. but i shall keep my cool... shall not be bothered by all these minor-minor things.. i have my freaking M9 to study!!! 26 freaking chapters will be read for the freaking 3rd time!!! And i have my stupid, bloody test the day after!! Oh ya!!! Not forgetting my 3 stupid projects to be done before the World Cup starts!!!!! I think i have a premature PMS due from all these stress!!!!

The lack of updates could only mean one thing.. PROJECTS!!! 3 projects to be exact and 2 tests in the coming weeks... Iwld be taking my M9 test for the 3rd time!! So frustrating!!! I thought i could pass it the second time round but i was so wrong.. so irritated.. and 3 projects to do?! Now, thats really frustrating!

Feeling kinda upset and disappointed abt sthg but i shall not let it bother me because i certainly have no right to be bothered at all.. like someone said it best, "I dun bother, and u dun matter!" So i chose not to bother, i succeeded in doing it once, and i shall be able to do it again!

I am currently in love with this song.. its in the season finale episode in OTH.. the song were played when Peyton discovered that she still love Lucas even though she dun want to.. very apt for that scene.. and i cant get the song out of my head..

Coffee & Cigarettes by Michelle Featherstone.
I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn't helped me yet
I thought my problems would just dissipate
And all my pain would be in yesterday

I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watched all my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday

But it's true
I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit….. you.

I thought that if I didn't go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn't go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it's true
I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit….. you.

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday

But it's true
I'm still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit…. You.

I must quit, I must quit…. You.

So i am finally 23 years old.. wow, what a scray number.. i always thought that by this age, i wld be much more matured and centred but i still find myself very childish and immature at times.. hahah.. 23 appears like a scary digit and it will increase by each year.. i'm gonna be 24 next yr! DARN!!! Cant i just be 18yrs old forever? Hee...

So.... had a great unorganised, surprised burfday celebration yesterday organised by the Khalawats... and i was totally unprepared for it!! Mentally and physically unprepared! I was dressed formally considering its my burfday and even brought a handbag and guess where they brought me to? Sentosa!!! Was throwing tantrums for the 1st 15mins cos i was really unprepared for it.. i was wearing shoes!! Shoes on a beach? Shirt on a beach? They kept saying that they were giving me hints abt it but i did not realise it.. Fiq, pple wear berms everywhere, not only to the beach k.. Oh ya! Thanx for conspiring not to sms me at midnight ya.. was so sad seh that my bestfriends didnt even smsed me.. :( And now i know why.. and i also found out that u guys gangeg up to ignore my calls and smses.. goooodd.. amalkan selalu k..

With that said, i still had a great time!! Hhahaha... luckily i was a good sport.. and i really love the gift-presentation part.. very creative.. I LIKE! hahah.. 3 out of 4 of the gifts presented to me was actually owned by me.. hahah.. they were just returning my vcds and shoes wrapped nicely in a wrapper.. the real gift was a gift voucher they got for me from GUESS.. and they will all accompany me on a later date to get the gift.. heee.. thanx guys! I think i already know what i wanna get... =)

Had a really great day yesterday taking the Skyride and Luge... so fun being "suspended" in the air! If only it was snow below us instead of tress, fallen helmets and slippers.. hahah... spend most of the time by the beach, eating the cakes they had gotten at Coffee Bean, joking, taking lotsa pics, laughing, splashing water at each other, joking and laughing till my jaws hurt.. We came to realise that we were also celebrating our Khalawats 1st anniversary.. heheh.. and now, we have two additional memeber/daughters.. hahah... after 1 year, we have a 23 and 20 yrs old daughters.. hahaha..

Ended the day by having dinner at Delifrance at Harbourfront.. cant stop laughing and joking.. the butt of the jokes was mainly Red.. hahah.. poor girl, but she knows we love her still.. hahah.. To my dearest Khalawats&Daughters.. hahaha.. thanx for going thru the trouble in making it such a fun and great day for me.. thanx for the friendship.. thanx for the jokes and the laughters.. thanx for everything ya.. LOVE YA GUYS!!!!

End of the day dinner at Delifrance... and my gift/s.. thanx guys for a great time!

Hahah.. more cam-whoring moments... fun fun fun..

Had a great time by the beach.. cam-whoring as usual..

They surprised me with a bday cake.. i was craving for cheesecake so it was great they got me a cheesecake..hahah.. we all mengokot.. and yah, they presented me with 4 gifts and 3 of them are owned by me.. good one guys!

Started the day by taking the Syride&Luge.. hee.. so exciting!! Wanna do it again.. very nice view too...

Had sthg to blog abt just now but after some distractions, i cant get my train of thoughts sorted... but i think i will try to anyways..

Do nice guys (male and female) finish last? I believe in karma, is it right for me to believe that when i do sthg good to another person then sthg good wld happen to me too.. After watching Grey's Anatomy and watching George, i am beginning to question myself if i had painted the world more rosy than i should.. Being a good guy does not get u anywhere, some pple may not even take u so seriuosly.. and some, just because they know that u are nice, they just take advantage of you and give them the more reason to hurt you, intentionally or untintentionally..

When a good person gets himself/herself into trouble (not the bad kind of trouble though), pple ard them just sit and stares and pity him cos he got into trouble cos he is nice.. once in awhile when u see the nice guy be ruthless and seized the chance and took his shot, you rooted and cheered for them but when it got blown up right in front of their face, you began to wonder.. hmmm.. maybe nice guys do finish last even if they made the first move...

But if nice guys are really nice, even if they got hurt, broken, disappointed along the way, those reasons should not stop them from being nice, right? I believe that no matter how mad or angry that nice person is, given time and space, wounds would heal.. unless sthg really evil or baaaddd, then it is stupid continuing being nice to the person who caused the pain..

I dunno if i made my point here.. hmmm.. am i making one? Anyways, sometimes i believe nice guys do finish last with the current hard, cruel, fast-paced environment we are living in.. but im also a firm believer of karma.. what goes around comes around.. hmmm.. tell me hows that suppose to work out?

Ja.. just for u... hahah.. too bad ah we didnt take too much pic...

Had a really terrible, terrible night last night!!! I could not believe that i actually cried cos i was not allowed to take panadol to ease massive, throbbing headache...

It felt as though 10 heavy metal bands were having a really, really wild rave in my head.. not only my head but my neck too... it was massively throbbing!! It felt as though the 10 bands were playing at the same time and they were banging their guitars against the wall of my head... hahah.. it sure felt that way last night.. it hurt even when i lay down.. and i was crying cos i cld not take the pain...

The reason behind why i wasnt allowed to take panadol was that im taking a heavier dosage of this particular medication and my mum thought that it might have some effect if i take them together... mums and their wild imagination... but luckily the rave died down today cos i know for sure i cant take it if they continue raving for the second night... hahahaha...

Had this unexplained uneasy feeling the whole day and have no idea what caused it.. i know my mood was down yday due to all the sad songs i had been listening to the whole day.. but today?

Hmmmm... maybe cos i started off the day being surrounded by too many old folks... went to accompany my grandpa to CPF Building to withdraw the CPF top-ups.. i have never seen so many old folks in one place other than the old folks home.. i was the youngest there, standing in queue amongst all the old folks.. haaha... i found it rather funny but kinda sad at the same time.. funny cos im in the queue and sad cos some of the old folks are really old and have difficulties in walking but their children were no where in sight.. what if they fall? But luckily there were some helpful CPF staffs who assisted them..

The initial plan for today was to go study at West Coast Mac after accompanying my grandpa... but once i got home, i just felt so lazy to go out to study.. so decided to just stay at home and study.. but that didnt happen.. Fell asleep while wacthing Oprah and i only woke up just in time to catch the live telecast of American Idol.. hmmm... nearly 3 hrs of afternoon nap.. BAAADD!!!! While having dinner, i just had this nagging feeling in my head, its like sthg is eating me up but i have no idea what it is.. but maybe i do.. i think i do, but there are so many of them.. life, family, future... that is like everything!!!

I think i need to do sthg that can keep my 'alive'!! I think i feel pretty dead since having this new job.. when u r not doing sthg that u love, you just feel hollow and empty inside.. i think that is the main reason why im feeling uneasy and it is beginning to dawn on me.. I think for a start, i wanna go to Darul Ma'wa to donate the storybooks that i had collected among my cousin.. I hope that after my exams, the first thing i wanna do is go there.. Kcik, u wanna go too right? U drive k? Heee...

Hey peeps.. this is my 1st attempt at audio blogging.. i seriously felt weird talking to myself out loud.. im just giving it a try after hearing Peyton's podcast.. ans was telling nina that maybe we shld give it a try.. and here i am giving it a try..

I guess i am so sick of studying AGAIN that i am looking for other things for distractions and i found myself one.. do let me know what u guys think ya!


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Got home abt half hr ago.. heee.. finally i met up with Azza and Ja!!!! Hahaha.. had fun laughing at all the comments Ja made.. i hope u like the prez Ja and sorry for such a belated gifts.. maklum lah, busy with sch life.. oh ya, i have yet to touch my books for this Thurs exam.. hahah.. i cant be bothered!!

Went to Bugis 1st to meet Azza to get Ja's prezzie.. walked ard Seiyu and Bugis Village.. i was so tempted to buy shoes and bags.. but i have totally over-spent this month's budger.. but i ended up buying lingerie yet again.. hahah.. bumped into Epah at Bugis St.. i have not met her for such the llloooooongest time and im gald to see her humour is still the same, Azza cant stop laffing by the side..she has slimmed down a lot while i have gained weight a lot.. i need to go jogging and start going for netball practice again!!!

After dinner, we decided to surprised Ja at her workplace! Yayness!! She was surprised!! Hahaha.. tricked her into thinking that im going there to meet my fren.. Even though it was only for a few hrs, but we did some catching up and decided to meet again to have our usual dosage of Briyani at Blue Diamond.. yum yum.. and must remember to bring camera.. hee...

Right now, contemplating whether i shld go out to study tmr.. suppose to study with Fiq but he cant make it.. if i am to stay at home tmr, i am sure i will end up sleeping and watching tv.. i think i must be discipline and go somewhere to study.. gosh! I thought once i graduated, i dun have to worry anymore abt exam but i guess i am wrong..

Dinner at Lau Pa Sat... food sucks.. company was great.. and the squeezing was fun.. haha.. luckily no one let out any gas.. hee..

Our session of bowling.. fun fun.. must go bowling again k.. and this is when the squeezing starts..

When it was all spacious.. took pics during the start of a great day...

Had a great time and fun yday.. hehe.. kept laffing amist my cramps.. at som eof time, i was unsure whether my stomach was hurting from cramps or from laffing too much..

The initial plan wa sjust to meet up with Fiq to return his calculator, accompany him to sch and study but it manifested into a gathering due to Fiq and Zal's idea.. Zal was done with his exams so got so much time on his hand that he starts callign everyone.. hehe..

I met up with Fiq first to accompany him to sch to get his uncollected assignments.. Zal and Kcik joined us later while we were having lunch.. yayness.. i finally get to eat my brownie with ice-cream at Megabites.. hee.. initially they wanted to watch MI3 but i was not so keen cos i wanna go bowling.. while enjoying our brownie with ice-cream, our plans were eloborated by calling up Fauziah aka Pozack and AZack.. we settled on watching MI3 at Marina and while waiting for the show to start, we would go bowling... but girls being girls, once me and Kcik reached Marina, we started to to window-shopping.. oklah, not window-shopping since we bought sthg..

While waiting for Pozack and AZack to arrive, we pretty much figured out that movie would be out cos not everyone was there and AZack too were not keen on watching MI3.. so when they finally arrived, we went for a game of bowling.. Zal, Fiq, Kcik and I played while Pozack and AZack went to grab a bite.. It had been such a long time since i last bowled.. hehe..so fun, even though i didnt get a single strike..

After a game of bowling, we decided to go for dinner at Lau Pa Sat... ahhh!! beside SGX!!! Reminisced about my slacker job and colleagues.. JAA!!! heeee... While trying to find the escalator for carpark, we girls managed to do some shopping yet again.. yay!! I bought some lingerie at Dorothy Perkins.. even Kcik and Pozack was tempted.. sorry Fiq, u gotta wait for 1 week k.. be patient.. hehehe...

We were saved from taking public transport cos Kcik was driving.. no, wait.. Fiq was doing the driving.. but its Kcik's car.. anyways, 4 of us girls had to squeeze in the back seat while the boys had the good seat upfront.. we girls kept laffing cos it was squeezy but that was just the beginning..

Met Red at Lau Pa Sat after she finished work.. the food was pretty sucky except for the Nasi Goreng but i guess the company made it more edible.. hahah.. talked, laughed, teased, laughed during dinner.. Zal and Azack kept having their lovers tiffs.. sighh.. just admit it lah u guys..

After dinner, more fun sparked when all 7 of us squeezed into Kcik's car.. 5 of us girls had to squeez our arses at the back.. Pozack was so poor thing cos she had to squeeze to sit on the floor.. haha.. luckily she is small sized.. the journey was suppose to be a short one where Fiq would just drop Red, me and himself at a place convenient enuff to get a cab home.. cos the rest wanna hang out somewhere.. but he ended up driving to AYE and all the way to Teban to drop me off 1st.. hehe.. i wonder how did Pozack's arse endure the whole journey.. and Fiq was driving like a girl with arms bent 90 degrees cos his driver's seat had to be pushed to the front to make space for us girls... even managed to take photo how squeezy we were but the photo turned out as though we girls were lying on the bed.. hahaha.. fun fun..

Anyways guys and girls, thanx for the fun yday.. hee.. cant wait for 19th May.. but hopefully we can get an MPV ah..

YAAYY!! I passed my M5 yday but i have yet to study for my M9 which is later in the evening.. hahah... have got no no mood..

Met up with Fiq yday before going for the exam at Suntec City cos need to borrow calculator fr him.. my calculator decided to die on me... met him with his friend, Yati.. made another new fren.. i think ocs can make fren easly with ocs's fren.. hahah..

I was kinda nervous ah cos i did not manage to finish the guide but Alhamdullilah, it went well.. i even went thru the qn for the 2nd time just to make sure.. but i have a feelling that i may not pass for the paper later cos i only managed to finsh 4 out of 25 chapters so far... AAAAAHHHH!!!! but at the same time, i dun think i care... hahah...

After the paper last night, met up with Fiq and Yati again for my dinner at Gelare.. i was so hungry after my paper cos i didnt eat anything before i left for the paper.. and as usual, i had chocolate waffle with cookies and cream ice-cream... yum yum...

• Lynna
• Me, Myself and I
• Complex, Dreamer, Figure Me Out

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