I dunno if I am feeling better, normal or worst.... There seems to be so many things on my mind and mixture of emotions rushing thru me...

I try to go thru my days as normal as possible... It is just the nights tat get unbearable... I dunno when was the last time I got a good night sleep... First night in that room was horrible.. I cant even switch off the lights for a mere 5mins... I "slept" with the lights on...

Now, every night I wld try to do as much cleaning up/chores/ironing as possible to tire myself out just so that I'll be dead tired and be able to sleep instantaneously..... to no avail...

And mummy.... I dun even know where to begin.... The silence and absence in the house is pretty unbearable for her... As much as we wanna talk abt grandpa passing away, i think it hurts so much it is better not to address it.... In the meantime, we are dealing with it in our own ways till it is alright to talk abt it...

When I was away, I told myself that a change is needed when I return to S'pore.... but now... I desperately wants EVERYTHING to be the way it was before I left.....

It is the second night since I'm back from Turkey.... and it is the 2nd night that I just can't put myself to sleep.. All the past memories are flashing through my mind... I have always been close to my grandpa since I was a kid...

As much as I am trying my hardest to cope, I still can't believe that he is gone.... I still expect to hear his footsteps going to the toilet at night.....

Tmr wld be unimaginable for me when I have to pack his stuffs...

It is so hard to express what I'm feeling without bursting into tears....

Thanx to dearest friends for your smses.. I know I must be strong but do excuse me if I do falter from time to time....

Thanx Azza, Hidayah, Fafa and Saiful for making the effort to visit me after work... Thanx for cheering me up.. It was greatly appreciated... Love you girls!

And so I am back from Turkey... all those memories are overshadowed by the grief I am in now....

He is gone... My beloved grandpa........ Forever......

• Lynna
• Me, Myself and I
• Complex, Dreamer, Figure Me Out

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